What I want and What I do is more becoming a merged knowing for me.
I spent an accumulation of years doing what society told me, what I was supposed to do, doing the job, being a good citizen, being a good employee, being a good partner, friend, family member, etc.. I worked a lot because I thought that is what was to be done to be happy. I had dedicated my life to survival as I was terrified of what I saw, felt and experienced on a daily basis. I could see multiple realities, I could see energy, I could hear their thoughts (and that terrified me as a kid (and as an adult)); I was afraid of the world and saw numerous monsters. I decided to become a character and to be friendly and stay on the surface with most all of them. To build a shield around me energetically and emotionally I compartmentalized my life into sections and would turn on the character for certain sections of my life - it was exhausting. This was my survival mechanism to yield my way through a system of such a thickness of gooey evil residue that oozed from most beings fields of energy. The papal thickness of fear, despair, suffering, sadness, evil and hate would hit my body like bullets from a gun, my energy falling to the wave of suffering and surrendering to the will of despair, at times. I saw a world (whirled) for which I didn’t like and wanted no part of. I also encountered many loving beings who showed me my beauty, my power, many times “random” beings would come to me or my parents and share special messages and a few times I had beings come and hold me in their embrace that felt of pure love and upliftment.
Through the years I encountered many lovely and horrible experiences. I encountered demons as humans who could also read thoughts and energies and they would manipulate others and me often times too. I had been manipulated numerous times by sales people, realtors, friends, family, experts, professionals, teachers, government, and anyone and everyone I trusted.
These experiences brought me closer to myself. These experiences through lies and manipulations brought to me much suffering, pain, loneliness, depression, and confusion. Through all of this, an inner knowing of love, peace, compassion would constantly emanated from my inside to influence and motivate me to know I am strong and can be me. Who is me? Why did I feel so lost and hurt and beaten? I would often times feel overwhelmed and over it all, broken and beaten, sad, drained and left wailing in the wind of a storm.
I feel and look back in this now space and see schooling, growth, and a deep embodiment of self mastery, ease of not knowing and knowing both, seeing and knowing all evil is light and light is light, that all is divine God.
I see and feel with ease in this now space. I have more perspective and feel a calm amidst much surrounding chaos, it is as though I am in my own egg cocoon of an experience.
I am fractal divine God of God.